August 7, 2016

To the Mom without a Tribe.

Family

I often think about that quote or saying, “It takes a tribe to raise a child.”

I’ve come to find that the “tribe” is the family who lives close by and can watch the kiddos if you need a few hours or a weekend getaway, friends who bring food over to a family who just welcomed their first baby, a community of neighbors to experience life with you. A tribe is support.

I use to catch myself sometimes feeling envious of other moms. Especially when other mommas out of the kindness of their hearts would try to relate to my challenge.  It would only get my hopes up to and think “ A momma who understands”… only to find that the true loneliness  of a momma without a tribe is different…It’s not the same type of experience.
I can’t relate to others talking about their dates nights even if it was a month or two or three ago… “what are date nights?”.  The talks of weekend getaways… I can’t think about the last time I went away for a weekend. It has been YEARS to be honest over 5 years.

You know your a mom without a tribe when your taking your kiddos to every doctor & dentist appointment because you don’t have the choice & then comes the feeling guilty because your kiddos have to sit through these appointments with you. Get a sitter right? But like all things  It takes time to build a relationship with anyone, and let alone someone who is going to watch my kiddos. You bet I’m kind of intense about the process, phone Interview, background check, in person interview and meet the kids. It has to be a right fit for the family & kids.

Most recently, I’ve had  to have my husband schedule part of a day off so that I can get a tooth extraction..IT RARELY HAPPENS.  A tooth extraction is just something I’m not willing to avoid but I physically cant help my kiddos with my mouth wide open. Its just my husband and I making things work. I am so thankful for him because we are journeying this season together.

So… To the momma without a tribe

I know what its like to have had kids before all your friends only to feel so alone because no one really understands.

I know what its like to feel forgotten and not invited to events, let alone hear from anyone.

I know what its like to feel so isolated and alone.

I know what its like to not have had a shower in days or deciding between a shower and sleep.

I know what it feels like to wish you could call someone to watch the kids so you take a breath but you have no one to call.

I know the thought of an occasional babysitter isn’t even realistic & lets not even talk about the cost…

I know what it feels like to miss your time with significant other.

Just know your not alone in the feelings.

But Being a mom without a tribe has given me that raw, authenticity in the moment experience of the loneliness that comes with navigating mommy hood.  It has shown me how capable I am, I may not have tribe yet I am and can  raise kiddos that are driven, intelligent, full of life and most importantly healthy & happy! It has taught me how to get creative and making the best of the moments I have with my hubby and family. I am so thankful for my husband. I found my passion in the moments of my loneliest days.  Most importantly being a momma without a tribe has taught me to step outside my comfort zone over & over again building new relationships on the journey to find tribe.

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